I got in a car crash last week. I mean, I wasn’t in the car at the time of the accident. Nobody was hurt. And the other car didn’t even have a scratch on it. But – I did get a rental car out of the deal.
Wanda the Honda is in the shop getting her pretty little face fixed, so I’m driving around in a red Ford Focus that smells like it used to be the property of a chain smoker with a penchant for coconut air freshener. I hate that smell. I’ve named him K-Fed. Because he’s fat and smelly and stupid. DOUSING the car in air freshener doesn’t hide the fact that you smoke 6 packs a day. Cigarettes smell bad. If you don’t want to smell like an ash tray, QUIT SMOKING. It’s literally THAT easy. Everybody knows you can’t just go to the store and buy air freshener that naturally smells like sunblock laced with nicotine. WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL?
Stupid rental. Sure it looks shiny on the outside but on the inside it’s a guerilla attack on my nostrils.
I digress. If you can’t tell, I hate this rental car. I hate being so low to the ground. Wanda the Honda isn’t exactly a lifted F-250, but she does sit up nice and high and I don’t feel like I might become road kill every time I drive by an 18 wheeler. I’m seriously afraid for my life in this little sedan. I will NEVER own a sedan.
I digress again. Today I was loading up my photography equipment in the back seat. And by equipment I mean my ONE camera bag because I don’t have any real equipment beyond my DSLR and four lenses. That doesn’t mean loading it up is any less of a hassle. Really anything that I have to do beyond sitting on the couch in my PJs is a hassle.
So I’m putting my bag in the backseat and something caught my eye. WTF IS THAT, I asked myself. I walked over to the other side of the car and opened the other back door, and upon further examination, I realized it was a KNIFE.
Like, aren’t they supposed to clean out the rental cars before they give them to you? How do you just MISS a knife during the cleaning session? I DON’T GET IT. At first I was reluctant to pick it up. What if it’s a murder weapon that’s been ditched by a really stupid criminal? Then my fingerprints will be on it and I’ll be a suspect. I picked it up anyway and opened it. Of course there’s some sort of dried brown substance on it which I assume is BLOOD, naturally. GREAT. This guy is going to realize that I found his murder weapon and he’s going to track me down and KILL ME IN MY SLEEP, all because I got this STUPID rental car. I HATE YOU, K-FED.
And now for a picture of some kittenzzzz.