All Aboard the Pity Train…now leaving Anxiety Station

Dear Future Employer,

My name is Anna.  I’m going to be graduating in April with a fairly useless degree in creative writing and a completely irrelevant minor.  Sociology?  What does that even mean?  I probably should have listened to my parents when they told me to pursue International Relations or Business, but really, I wouldn’t be me if I ever took my parents’ advice.  Learning things the hard way is sort of my thing.

I spent the majority of my time here at FSU damaging my liver, doing the opposite of getting involved in academic groups or honor societies, and not working hard for my future.  So really, what right do I have to complain now?  I know I’m being totally unrealistic by hoping for a lucrative profession in the writing industry.   That’s sort of an oxymoron anyway, unless you’re Stephen King.  But let’s be honest.  Ninety percent of the kids who will be graduating with me are probably way more talented and a lot harder working than I am.  Let’s not even discuss the internships I never got, the retail job I completely failed at, or my works that were never published.  How dare I call myself a writer if I have nothing to show for it?

I can’t even fall back on a career as a housewife.  I don’t understand the concept of deep cleaning.  I hate doing dishes and folding laundry, have zero experience with children and am way better at eating than I am at cooking.

And despite my parents’ urgings, grad school probably isn’t even an option.  Like I said before, I didn’t exactly spend every waking minute hitting the books, which means that my GPA is nothing to brag about.  Can’t you just focus on my super awesome 4.0+ GPA that I sustained through high school?  Why doesn’t high school count anymore?  I liked high school.  My barely 3.0 college GPA combined with what will most likely be a dismal GRE score means that the only grad school I’ll likely get in to will be Podunk U, #134234532564746562452 on the list of credible MFA programs.

It’s hard.  Small, local businesses don’t even consider me qualified enough to work as their receptionist.  Zero work experience on a resume isn’t a good thing?  I guess that Microsoft Office certification wasn’t as helpful as my high school teacher assured me it would be.  Well, at least I can type my crap that people will never read at 70 words a minute!

Sir or madam, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I probably should have been more proactive.  I guess I learned a little too late that internships make a difference, that work experience matters, and that I should have tried harder to whore myself out for potential employers.  What I wouldn’t give to trade my shy, introverted traits for brave and outgoing ones.  It’s all about who you know…and I don’t know anybody.

So, future employers, I guess I should really call you future non-employers…future people-I-would-love-to-work-for-who-will-never-hire-me…or maybe future dream-crushers, I just thought I’d let you know how I was feeling today…7 months away from the worst day of my life.

Tags: Writing

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Compulsive snacker. Bleeding heart. Unhealthy obsession with Tom Hanks and cats. Florida State and Syracuse University alum.
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    • Jim
    • October 12, 2010

    There are a lot of roads to success, and it's never to late start on a new one.

  1. Reply

    oh honey, this was awesome writing and very deep felt, honest, raw, and often funny. But when are you going to stop using all my own personal experiences and thoughts? why do you hack my computer and take all my words? LOL.this is exactly how I feel. exactly. But the only words of wisdom I have (if that even matters) is that don't punish yourself for the things you didn't do. View as a learning experience of things you can STILL do. You are young, gorgeous, smart as a whip, funny, bright and way more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. You are everything I was not at your age, so you're already way ahead of the game. Thats one way to look at it. Imagine being 50 and having to start all over as I am about to do now? I should be writing one of these letters also to all my future non-employers as well. hahahaahi love you and your words are well worth being a writer. YOu're perfect, just as you are. But like me, you probably look in the mirror and go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. don't. You got the world by a string. You just don't know it yet.Love ya babe,Aunt Donna

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