Why working out with my dog SUCKS.

First of all, I don’t understand the people that claim they go running to clear their heads and sort out their thoughts.  All I can think when I’m running is, “how much further do I have to go? When can I stop and not feel guilty about the ice cream I ate earlier?”  And the answer is NEVER.  I will never stop feeling guilty about eating!

Anyway, Bella loves to go running with me.  And by running, I mean I jog for about a block before I keel over and beg for death.  Then I do a walk/jog combination and try my best to ignore the jeers and looks of horror from my neighbors or any other innocent bystanders.

Although Bella thinks running with me is the best thing ever, she sucks at it for a few reasons.

1.  Other dogs.  With Bella, it’s hit or miss whether or not she’ll get along with a passing dog.  It’s not hit or miss, however, whether or not she’ll try to wrench my arm from its socket in the process of finding out.  She always does.  I can only imagine that her thought process goes something like this, “ZOMG ANOTHER DOG LET’S SNIFF BUTTS!” And then it’s either, “YAYSIES YOU’RE FUN LET’S FROLIC,” or “EW YOUR BUTT STINKS I WANT TO BITE YOUR FACE OFF!”  There’s no middle ground with Babygirl.

Usually I don’t mind her eagerness to make new friends.  But when I’m pretending to exercise, it’s really inconvenient.  First of all, it makes me look like a lunatic because if Bella charges suddenly, then I have no choice but to alter my flight plan in order to run after her.  I immediately start spewing apologies like an idiot.  Of course, the other person probably doesn’t even hear me because they are too sidetracked trying to erase the image of me awkwardly running towards them from their memory.  Secondly, if their dog is rude to Bella, I transform into a how-dare-your-dog-not-like-my-dog type mother and spend the next few seconds rehearsing an inner monologue about how they shouldn’t leave the house with their monster if it can’t play nice with others.

2. Water.  Bella was a fish in another life.  I always keep her leash on her when we go for runs, but because I value the way my arm is attached to my body, I don’t always hold onto it.  She usually does well and stays right at my side.  Until she spots a lake.  And on the run I usually take her on there are about 4 lakes.  Apparently I’m a slow learner because I am always surprised/amused/angry when she bolts into the lake, taking out a few geese in her path.  Then I have to deal with wet Bella and disgruntled neighbors who are trying to enjoy the peaceful scenery.  It’s impossible to get mad at this face, though?

3.  When I try to do lunges.  Usually once I’m tired of sucking at running, I do some lunges.  Bella’s patience grade is a solid D-.  She’s great at waiting for me to do my lunges until another person comes up on us in the trail.  Then she’s all like, “MOM HURRY UP I NEED TO GO SLOBBER ON THESE STRANGERS!!!!”  I ended up flat on my face today after she tried to go say hi to a passerby.  It’s like she forgets that she’s attached to me and smelling this new person’s crotch is the only thing on the planet that matters.

Tags: Fur Babies

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Compulsive snacker. Bleeding heart. Unhealthy obsession with Tom Hanks and cats. Florida State and Syracuse University alum.
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    • Emmy
    • October 6, 2010

    Hahahah. You crack me up. I agree 1000% with this post. Especially the part at the beginning about running a block before keeling over and begging for death. I loathe running. I'd rather do just about anything other than that.

  1. Reply

    That's why my dog is 8 pounds fully grown. He's not dragging me anywhere.

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