Why driving on the interstate sucks:
Mr. Impatient Pants.
A. Mr. Impatient pants has to pass you on the right. Sure, you just passed a semi truck and were waiting to be an appropriate distance in front of it before you got back into the right lane, but heavens to Betsy you’re just not getting over fast enough so Mr. Impatient Pants has to scurry around you in the slow lane.
B. Sometimes, Mr. Impatient Pants can only TRY to pass you on the right. So what if you’re in the passing lane behind 4 or 5 cars all going the same speed around a streamline camper? Mr. Impatient Pants decides he just can’t wait and he must go around you on the right. You can’t let this happen. You KNOW he’ll try to cut you off last minute so that he, too, can go around the camper. You make sure there’s never enough room between you and Mrs. Mini Van from New York, even if this means tailgating her so bad you can see what radio station she’s listening to. It works, and Mr. Impatient Pants is forced to brake and wait his turn. You feel like you’ve won.
D. Mr. Impatient Pants notices your license plate and thinks, “I ALREADY PASSED HER ONCE I CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN,” and decides to make you his involuntary interstate leapfrog partner. He cruises up at a steady 3 or 4 mph faster than you and then hangs out near your blind spot for a little while. You are well aware of his presence and he is happy with himself for making your blood start to boil. Finally, he increases his speed enough to pass you and then gently glides on over back in front of you where he feels he belongs. Then he reduces his speed by a tiny fragment, enough so you notice that you’ve slowly started creeping back up on him. “WHAT THE FRACK, DUDE! PICK A SPEED! !#$!#%#W%&#%#%@$#%# YOU’RE RUINING MY CRUISING EXPERIENCE.”
|I wish I was from the Land of Lincoln. Jealous.|
|Mr. Impatient Pants when he realizes he’s lost.|
3.You pass into a new city and they’ve decided they need to be different. Sure, it’s only a 5 mph change, but BY GOLLY they’ve made their point. TAKE THAT, you cruise control dependent HACK. I bet you’re driving an automatic transmission, AREN’T YOU?!
1. Mr. Impatient Pants’ cousin from Pennsylvania. Sometimes an annoying neighbor from New Jersey or North Carolina. Either way, you hate them.
3. But then Fickle Speeder thinks he sees a cop car hiding in the trees and he slams on the brakes and coasts into the right lane. You eventually pass him and the spot where the phantom patrol car was lurking. “MAYBE NOW HE LEARNED HIS LESSON!”
4.Wrong. Fickle Speeder is back at it, weaving in and out of traffic, driving with his windows rolled down and really really really hoping every one notices how cool his Lincoln Navigator looks with the big Yankees logo across the back window. You scoff at his skateboard brand bumper sticker and wish you could practice the pit maneuver on him.
2. She’s a close relative to Mr. Impatient Pants, and is definitely a member of the Fickle Speed family.
Ms. This is My Exit. LOL, J/K.
1. Ms. TIME is also Ms. WOO HOO I LOVE THE BRAKE PEDAL and Ms. Can’t Stand the Anticipation. She knows her exit is coming up soon, she just can’t handle the waiting.
2. Ms. TIME puts her signal on 2 miles ahead of time. She is exiting soon, she promises. Ms. TIME wreaks havoc on the lives of Mr. Impatient Pants and Mrs. Mini Van alike.
3. Shortly after the signal goes on, Ms. TIME rediscovers her affinity for the brake pedal. She’ll slow down and then speed up again just so she has one more chance to reduce her speed. Oh, this is exit 174. She needs exit 178. SORRY Y’ALL! MY BAD! You hate her. You get stuck behind her because all of a sudden the passing lane is hosting a parade that you weren’t invited to.
|I googled “annoying drivers” and this is what I got…|