I’m an 80 year old misanthrope too

Almost everyone has to deal with their neighbors eventually.  Usually it happens much later in life.  I, however, moved into a neighborhood where I not only have to deal with my neighbors, but a homeowner’s association, too.  The icing on the cake is that not only is one of my neighbors certifiably INSANE, but she is also on the board of directors for the HOA.  AWESOME.

Anyway, for some time now we have been battling with my neighbor about PARKING.  I live in a 3 bedroom house with two roommates and occasionally my boyfriend when he’s in town.  So, that’s 3 people, 3 cars, except when Chris is in town, 4 cars.  I park in the garage and Chris usually parks in the back of the house on MY yard.  Gabbi and the other roommate whose name is also Chris, park in front of the house on the road.  Sometimes, due to overcrowding in the neighborhood (my other neighbors also have a full house and sometimes encroach on our parking area) Gabbi and Chris have to park in front of our mailbox.

ANYWAY, numerous times we’ve come outside to find notes left on the windshields asking us to not block the mailbox (our mailbox is right next to the insane board of directors HOA old lady neighbor’s mailbox.)  Her reason?  She says the mailman won’t deliver the mail if the mailbox is blocked.

So my first qualm with this is the fact that her argument is COMPLETELY NOT TRUE.  We spoke to the mailman personally, and he said that even if there was an angry alligator blocking the mailbox, he would still deliver the mail.  Not in those exact words, but the point is he can’t just not deliver the mail because there’s a car there.  HE HAS TO DELIVER THE DAMN MAIL. 

We told crazy neighbor lady this but she wouldn’t have any of it and said she plans to still leave notes about us blocking the mailbox.  Anyway, this has been quite a saga, and qualm number 2 = even if someone else’s car who has nothing to do with anyone in my house is blocking her effing mailbox, she’ll find a way to complain to us about it.  Because she is 80 years old and apparently has REALLY IMPORTANT mail EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I wrote a sonnet about it and I am going to share it with you now.

Do Not Block the Mailbox
A sonnet for the crazy lady next door who has nothing better to do than whine about where we park

Another note on yellow paper lay
with two words, “Do Not,” underlined in black
stuck on my windshield yesterday
from a neighbor acting without much tact.
All “i’s” were dotted with ink harsh and crass,
the “s’s”, slimy and offending, snaked
right off the page into my garden’s grass.
As if she does nothing else all day,
She leaves these letters for the “mailman’s sake”
but I have other things to think about
than her petty neighborhood power play.
I won’t wage this battle day in and out.
She can’t claim to own this whole stretch of road,
yet she started a war with just one note.

Tags: Tallahassee, Writing

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Compulsive snacker. Bleeding heart. Unhealthy obsession with Tom Hanks and cats. Florida State and Syracuse University alum.
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  1. Reply

    My goal is to now make it a point that everytime she puts a note on one of our cars, I am going to put two sticky notes on her door, telling her to please not put sticky notes on our cars, unless she wants to have a door full of sticky notes in return.

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