Our kitchen is magical. Let that sink in. Have you ever heard someone refer to a room of their house as magical? You don’t count if you or someone you know practices witchcraft. It’s like a magician died (Houdini, perhaps?) and then was accidently reincarnated as our cabinets, cutlery, and cookware. I’m serious. I used to say that our kitchen “eats” things, but now I have come to the unsettling realization that our kitchen possesses powers or is inhabited by something that does.
Why, you ask, would I come to such an insane conclusion? Simply because our kitchen, a seemingly innocent part of the house, where sweet muffins are made and cheese is kept fresh, can make things disappear without a trace. I mean if something, say a book or cookie sheet, even makes a stopover on the kitchen counter, there is a 40% (estimation) chance that it will never be seen again. Now I am not trying to imply that our kitchen is messy or cluttered and in fact, everything has its place. Save for a few dishes in the sink, the kitchen is generally tidy.
The first time I noticed that there was something odd at work was this last spring. I KNOW that when I moved in I had a cupcake tin. It held 6 cupcakes of average size and it always stayed in the cabinet to the left of the stove with the pizza stone and cooling rack. Now, I never really was a cupcake maker and I much prefer brownies, but one afternoon this past spring I had a hankerin’. You can imagine how upset I was to not find the cupcake tin in its designated home. I then proceeded to ransack the kitchen, uprooting pots and pans and displacing measuring cups and bowls. The tin was nowhere to be found.
I figured my roommate would know where it was, so when she got home I asked her. You know what she said?
“We have a cupcake tin?”
This made me even MORE mad. How long had it been gone and I didn’t even realize it? She had moved in the previous fall and never seen the cupcake tin?
This was not an isolated occurrence. Since then, chip bag clips have gone missing. Tons of our Tupperware have mysteriously disappeared. My casserole dish vanished. Of course we never discovered any of this until the time came when we needed it and didn’t have it. I’m not sure whether the kitchen is evil or whether our kitchenware is conspiring against us. I can see them now, the cupcake tin, caserole dish, and chip clips without bags frolicking down the aisles at Bed Bath and Beyond, teasing the boxed up wine glasses and shelves upon shelves of appliances.